ABC Procrastinate Ltd
ABC Procrastinate liked profits and customers, but they had been pretty busy dining out on past successes. Financially things were now a bit tight so they decided to have a meeting to see what could be done. Here are some of the answers they came up with.
1) Having realised that what they were doing was not working, they decided to get everyone to double their efforts doing exactly the same things.
2) Having realised that their margins were terrible, they decided to buy a new truck and sell more product at the same price.
3) Having realised that they knew nothing about marketing, they decided to form a task group including more people who knew nothing about marketing.
4) Having realised that sales and profits were down, they decided to reduce their sales staff and cut their marketing budget in half.
5) Having realised they had no direction for the company, they decided it was time for a good lunch and a lively discussion about which paint colour they should choose for the new office door.
6) Having realised that results for the last quarter had been terrible, they decided to close early and go to the pub.
7) Having realised that they had lots of enquiries that they could not turn into sales, they decided to get angry at the people who didn't buy because it was clearly all their fault.
8) Having realised that they desperately needed some help with marketing, they decided to buy a good book even though they didn't think they would get around to reading it any time soon.
9) Having realised that their customer service was terrible, they decided it was the perfect time to advertise everything in the store at half price.
10) Having realised that their staff did not know what was expected of them, they decided that paycuts all round would help them to understand what they needed to do better.
11) Having realised that staff were disgruntled, they decided to put up a sign in the staffroom encouraging everyone to have a happy day.
12) Having realised that cashflow was not going well, they decided to ignore it because it was all too hard and it would probably come right by itself anyway.
Just a bit of fun this month - however amazingly I have seen and heard of these type of things actually happening.